Saturday, July 18, 2009 ; 8:43 PM {!♥}
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Okay, I`m wondering. Where is that girl right now? What happened to her? Where is that smile that i've been looking for a hundred years. Okay, I know. That`s me. Taken last week ago. I`m finding that smile today. 'coz, My day is not that good like yesterday. Yesterday was full of fun. And today. It`s not like yesterday. It`s a big world. A different world. I don`t know what`s happening. It`s seems a while ago. I feel so good. But now, NO. He asked me if he can call. But thn. Okay, He called. Then he didn`t spoke a word. No, He spoke a word. A little. Just said 'How`s with Sobrang Cheesy?' Okay. Annoying. I know. Then I reacted like It was nothing. And hell yeah. It`s nothing. Nothing. Nothing that he keeps on telling whatever words. He didn`t know that i`m getting hurt. I`m getting more worthless and worthless each day. And now, I`m thinking, Where am I? Who am I? What I am doing? That makes me feel more bad. I think I need something. Or one disease. And die. I want to quit now. But, I know many people needs me. Even though he needs me. I know he loves me. But, It`s lacking. It`s not like before. The days that we we're hanging out together. The things that we've never done before. And now, I don`t know if he's gonna say goodbye. Because he's saying different words. I want to continue and know what love is with him. Even though we tried it many times. I don`t want to live my life alone. I want to spend my forever with him. I thought it will be a happy ending. But I think not. I want to give up now. But I can't. I wish we can go back to time. And I wish it will be a happy ending one. I was born to love. Not to cry. If life is nothing but a great lie? What`s my purpose here? To let people break my heart? Sorry, But I can't go now. I'm not feeling well. Emotionally, Socially and Physically. Not that i`m having a fever. But, When you look inside of me. Also outside. It`s nothing. I look like plain. Nothing can make me smile. Nor laugh. I was dissapointed of what`s happening nowadays. It's going far from my dreams. Of what I thought. Of what my mind has mixed up. It gone to far. I never dreamt about this happening in my life. I always think positively. Maybe, It is one of my obstacles that God is giving me. I don't know my self. But, In every step the God gives me. That let me take over. He makes me strong. Oh, How I wish he was that good also. That he can appreciate what am I doing. I know that he loves me. He keeps repeating that. But He can`t appreciate a girl. Even though, In every girl that he knows, I was the one who he loved. He said that to me. But I can`t feel it. I'm numb. Okay? UGH. I wish I can go on now. I don`t want to quit. I want to continue it.
Life is not made for lies. But for truth. -- Xstel.
